Kids these days! They’re so into environmentalism — radically so!
Of course, Simon comes by this naturally — there was the time his dad, after learning about Earth Day and recycling, insisted that his parents save up all cardboard scraps (which were then not recyclable at the curb), which he then drove many dozens of miles away to be recycled. Because he cared about the environment. Or that was the idea, no matter how much gasoline it actually took.
And then there was the time Simon’s papa earned the nickname “The Recycling Nazi” in college for going through the trash cans outside of people’s dorm rooms, looking for soda cans that had been thrown away (and leaving a note on the offender’s whiteboard — every college door has a whiteboard — about recycling).
But Simon, part of the next generation, has exceeded his father’s environmentalism. You see, he hand-mulches. That’s right. He’s taken mulching to the next level.
Fig. A: Harvesting more organic material
I guess Simon has noticed that his parents consider hair and lint to be detritus, worthy of throwing in the trash, and he’s concerned about the inevitable effect this will have on our landfills. In response, he seems to have come up with a plan that involves tightly clenching said hair and/or lint in his fists for hours — possibly days — on end, apparently so that, with the attendant moisture, heat, and pressure provided by his fists, he could … um, I don’t know. Make a tiny amount of rich compost for his miniature garden? He hasn’t explained that part to us yet.
But there is definitely lint and hair — sometimes his, sometimes the hair he’s happened to find around the house, hopefully Julia’s or mine — in his fists, and, owing to his frequent desire to keep his fists clenched, it sometimes gets a bit gross. But who am I to question the next generation’s environmental fervor?
