simon

When Julia’s mother was in town in the weeks after Simon was born, she expressed not-entirely-serious concern that he was going to grow up confused about what his name was. Apparently, in those heady days, we were coining new monikers with alarming frequency. Some of them have already been abandoned, either due to increasing inaccuracy, or perhaps poor memory caused by lack of sleep. Still, what’s a blog for if not to catalog the minutia of life? So here are some of the nicknames we remember.

Of course, there was his original in utero nickname, Grendel, now largely abandoned (at least after the first few days, when we occasionally forgot Simon’s real name), in part because when we called him Grendel, we thought he was a girl. Yes, in spite of Grendel’s being a male in Beowulf, we know, we know.

I don’t know if it’s due to his cleft palate or if all babies do this to some degree, but early on, Simon made lots of, well, snorting noises. It was actually fairly comforting to us back then, because it made it easy to know if he was breathing in the middle of the night. Still, several names came from this attribute, among them Snuffleupagus and Snorky Doo.

Snorky Doo was likely derived from the similar Simon Doo, no doubt itself derived from the name of popular mystery solving canine, Scooby Doo. (I guess. Julia never actually explained this to me. And since she only ever spoke these nicknames aloud, it’s possible I got the spelling wrong, and these nicknames are actually references to influential punk band Hüsker Dü. Except that Julia is almost certainly more familiar with Scooby Doo than Hüsker Dü. Anyhow.)

Also owing to a particular bleating-like noise Simon was prone to making before turning to a full-blown cry, Simon was also not infrequently referred to as Lambikins or, more simply, Lamb.

Fans of the former TV show Arrested Development may appreciate that, owing to his surname, Simon was sometimes called Mr. S, with the attendant three-note jingle that went along with the name “Mr. F” in that series.

Julia and I share a love of robots (defined as anything from the pre-robotic age, back when robots were cute and didn’t have boring jobs like assembling cars), and it’s difficult not to envision Simon as some sort of mechanical automaton (in a good way). Thus he’s been called Wigglebot, Lovebot, or Rollbot, depending on whatever best characterizes him at the time. Note that Simon isn’t actually able to roll when lying on his back yet, but he does a fine job of dislodging himself from the burping or feeding position, largely by tossing his head to the side and having the rest of his body follow.

But by far the most popular — and enduring — name so far has been Beets, or Mr. Beets (when we’re feeling respectful, I guess). The etymology on this one is tricky, but it seems largely based on how he acts when he’s hungry, turning (beet) red, and exhibiting the rooting reflex (beets being roots, you know). Factoring somewhere in there is an auto repair shop in Southeast Portland called Beets Auto Body, whose sign features the outline of a beet with a man’s face on it. The name Beets often leads to ad-hoc songs, such as the Go-Go’s influenced “I got the Beets”. There is no end to the cleverness in this household.

Anyhow, I’m sure there’ve been, and will be, more, but those are the ones that spring to mind right now. Oh, and I guess we still do occasionally call him Simon.